Beautiful Spectrum

Eloise's Autism Story

2011-06-07T10:07:00.002+01:00

Halo♥

panorama - abuse on vulnerable adults

2011-06-01T14:30:00.001+01:00

Following BBC One Panorama investigation into the shocking abuse of vulnerable adults in care, I have just signed the National Autistic Society's petition to make sure that the Government takes urgent action to prevent this happening again.

Please click on the link below to help prevent the fight against abuse of vulnerable adults.

Thank you.

http://e-activist.com/ea-campaign/clientcampaign.do?ea.client.id=10&ea.campaign.id=10762

Halo♥

Had meeting with school regarding Lou wandering from premises.

2011-05-23T11:13:00.001+01:00

Just had a meeting at the school, well a quick discussion.

I saw the place where she got out. She climbed under a fence while the person looking out for her went to take another pupil to the loo. It's about 20 yards from the main road and she was gone 5-10 mins. The people from the local nursery did find her (thank god!). The nursery is next to the school but still in front of the main road.

If she had got onto the main road and avoided being hit by a car then she would have been in an area of lots of roads. She is big enough for people to have thought she was not far from her parents etc. She could have wandered for miles without anyone taking an interest.

The head of the ASD says NO to funding for a 1:1! and they are going to keep her in the school at break times.

I'm now going to make some phone calls to see what my rights are. - Made some phone calls and have been told i need to push for 1:1 for at least break times etc. as keeping her in or restricted is not suitable. As its not written on her statement that she needs 1:1 then i will be writing a letter requesting an early annual review.

I also phoned the local nursery and was told the school didn't even know she was gone! and that it was a parent of a child at the nursery that spotted her and took her to the nursery

Halo♥

Autism Wandering

2011-05-22T12:31:00.001+01:00

As in all moments of stress i have to get busy. So i have built a new blog, which will be dedicated to Autism and Wandering:

http://autismwandering.blogspot.com/

Halo♥

Stress Stress and more Stress

2011-05-22T12:13:00.003+01:00

Lou was left to wander from her special school on friday! She was found by the local nursery. Her school were completely aware of the risk Lou has in regard to wandering, the following is from her most recent Statement Of Educational Needs Review:

"****** has more extreme behaviour of trying to escape from her environment. Around the school she is beginning to return to class when instructed but she is no way reliable about this and will run if she thinks she will not be caught or that she has not been seen"

I have a meeting at the school first thing Monday, where i will be insisting she has a 1:1 from now on.

I was up all night Friday. The stress of everything else (i will tell you below) and now this I was sick.

I've spent thousands adapting this house so she doesn't get out.

I had to go to court to try and win the house from my ex husband last month. It didn't amount to anything as he didn't show al his accounts. So more waiting. But I was stunned by two things the judge said..."Will you be putting her in boarding school?" and "What is her life expectancy, as she has bowel problems?" - as you can imagine i was stunned by both questions and wasn't expecting them at all.

Halo♥

Here I am again!!

2011-02-21T18:44:00.002Z

Wow its been almost 2 years!!

Our lives have changed so much! Here goes....

On the 19th of November 2009 i met Chris, he is or should i say WAS a single father to a severely autistic 10 year old. We met at an ASD meeting at Lou's new school. And now we all live together!! And we are planning to marry at the end of the year. This is why i've not been blogging. We have been very busy getting the children used to each other, it took Chris's son 4 months to be comfortable in coming in the house! Now he is settled in nicely.

This is just a quick post as im just about to get Lou's bits together as she is spending her first ever night in respite tomorrow night, im very nervous but optimistic.

Thank you all for still following xx

Halo♥

Happy Halloween - a special day in more ways than one

2009-11-01T12:53:00.007Z

The kids and me had loads of fun yesterday!! Middle son had his first ever Trick or Treating! He was very excited and managed to get lots of sweets. Fun was had all around. The boys normally go to there dads on a Saturday, but the football was on and that was obviously more important than seeing the boys. Again his loss.

Earlier on in the day Lou had a school friend around. And we witnessed some amazing moments. Her friend has tuberous sclerosis. He is verbal and has a lot more understanding than Lou. He happily played with middle son. But what was amazing was how Lou reacted when he came in. She kept looking at him, this is rare. She must have recognised him from school, she smiled lots. And for a couple of fleeting moments she touched his face. But best of all she gave him a cuddle!!! She doesn't do this with middle son, perhaps because he is a tad 'in your face'. She hasn't done this with any other children. She disappeared upstairs as things were perhaps getting too much for her. But yesterday was a very special day.

Halo♥

New Beginnings

2009-10-18T07:50:00.006+01:00

It's been a while since i last posted, you will see why shortly.

Firstly Lou has started 'big' school! Yep, she looks gorgeous in her school uniform. Very smart. Well if she can keep the tights or socks on long enough! The class room is all new and very ASD friendly, there is a play area outside, which has a covering for wet weather. Its great! Its a school for profound, severe and complex needs and she is one of 6 in her class. She seems to have settled in very well. I'm due to go and see a very special harvest festival at her school next week.

During July I discovered, via email, that my husband had cheated on me. He was bragging this to someone he had only just met on the net. He was bragging about how much he paid for it too. As you can imagine i was devastated. that not only had he gone behind my back and paid for sex on a few occasions but he was bragging about it. His excuse to me was that 'all' men do it from time to time. 12 years of my life i gave to him, no more though. I have been through so much with Lou, i needed support not betrayal. Perhaps its for the best, he was everything bad in a person. People say he is the opposite to me, so its for the best now. The future seems very daunting though. never imagined i would be on my own. He looks after my sons at the weekend but he refuses to look after Lou. Which breaks my heart. He doesn't know what he's missing. I cant say i was so surprised, this man didn't like to go and see Lou at her special needs preschool because 'it wasn't his thing'.

I dont have any family near by but i am starting to build a network of friends, new beginnings.

Halo♥

2 years on....

2009-07-23T20:00:00.004+01:00

Lou Lou was diagnosed with Autism 2 years ago today...she was aged 2 years and 3 weeks.

How time has flown by.

Still not nodding, shaking head or pointing. very rarely a word pops out and it's not in communication. Still not much eye contact.

But she's just starting to wave...lol ...ok she waves like the queen and in the wrong direction but hey it's coming!!!

and a certain little girl had her 4th birthday recently!! I think she enjoyed the day. She loved playing in the pool in the garden. Pouring water over her older brothers head, she must have known he needed a hair wash!! But best of all was her hand made birthday cake! She loved it.

I brought her school uniform yesterday and I must say it was a novelty after having two boys I never imagined a school uniform could be so cute!! Pretty embroidered flowers on her pinafore and two, yes two (one blue and one grey) skirts! I love buying her pretty clothes and the new school uniform is no exception.

On Tuesday Lou Lou, my younger son and myself went to the Rare Breeds Centre with her Special Needs Preschool as a goodbye outing. It was a lovely day but it's been sad that she has left her preschool now. They have been wonderful with her and very kind to me. It's a end of an era.

Halo♥

Potatos, Pica and Poo

2009-06-30T20:18:00.007+01:00

Things are more settled here lately, which is good because the summer holidays are fast approaching and it needs to be as calm as it can before the huge change of routine begins.

Lou Lou's Special Needs High Chair arrived this week, she has taken to it very well. The old chair was not designed for an almost four year old and she would often rock across the kitchen in it! This new Breezi Chair is just perfect and she looks very grown up sitting at the table with her brothers.

We had a trip to the hospital today. Mainly because of the awful bowel problems she's been having. I'm having to change a poo'y nappy 4-9 times a day. She had an X-Ray,which confirmed our suspicions of constipation. The registrar told me to up her dose of medication from 2 to 6 sachets at day. As you can see by the photo above she is a very good eater and its not her diet that's causing the constipation its the fact that perhaps due to her sensory processing difficulties she dislikes the feeling of pooing. and constantly tries to 'hold' it in. Of course if we hold it in it can cause all sorts of problems. Unfortunately i cant explain this to her because of her level of understanding.
The second reason for our trip to the hospital is that she needed a blood test, this takes 3 people to hold her down. Before the needles and things go in her arm she is upset because of the people holding her. The blood tests are necessary because she has been eating raw potato peel, orange peel and a bit of play doh. The paediatrician tells me its Pica. But fortunately she hasn't been eating some of the other bizarre things that people with Pica eat.

Check out my new blog - http://halo-rainbow.blogspot.com/ it's purely photos, videos and pictures - as sometimes words aren't needed. You will see how useful the new high chair box is - she loves it!

Halo♥

Castle Capers!

2009-05-31T19:35:00.005+01:00

Wasn't the weather just gorgeous today?!

So i decided to take the kids somewhere nice, as they are back to school next week. I have to think about what we are going to do and where to go with Twinkle as places like the Beach are a no no due to her trying to get away, not a lot of shade and it being near on impossible to run on sand! (well for me anyway not Twinkle!)

Leeds Castle isnt that far and we hadnt been for many years, a new friend had taken her family recently, she has an autistic son and he has a blog.

We pushed Twinkle through the castle grounds in her Major Buggy (special needs buggy). Passed the lakes. We went to the restaurant first for dinner. We then went to see the birds in the Avery. We saw the birds of prey show, which middle son really enjoyed. Then the maze, which Twinkle didn't go in to but the boys did. It didn't take us long in the maze and we went onto the play area. The boys went into the 'older kids' play area and Twinkle went into the younger kids play area. We didn't stay there too long because it was so hot and no shade. We got ice-creams but Twinkle didn't like the coldness of the ice-cream...she put her fingers in her ears when trying it! So she ate the cone instead.

On our way back to the exit we decided to sit for a few minutes near the lake by the castle. Twinkle really wanted to get out of her Major Buggy. We thought it would be nice for her to run around with the boys and take some more photos. We stood between her and the lake...as you can see by the pic below she made her get away!! hot on her heels were the boys! Luckily she was heading away from the lake because she was too quick for the boys!

All in all it was a lovely day, with only a few small meltdowns, one being when she was on her reins on the way to the car, too many people about she couldn't cope and was biting her hand, so we put her in the 'safety' of her Major buggy again.

I just love that photo of her 'legging it'!

Halo♥

Little Miss.....

2009-05-20T08:54:00.005+01:00

Firstly thank you so much to Rebel Mother for giving me this award. It's always nice to get an award as I'm never sure what I'm writing is really of interest to anyone. I'm really glad she likes it. Who's for a lovely cup of Rosy?....

Twinkle at this moment is playing 'catch' with my eldest son, who is trying his hardest to throw the ball (scented) with his left arm. After breaking his wrist on Monday at school (indoor football). It is really nice to see her interacting with him. This time last year she would only give him fleeting glances and the rare touch. My youngest son was upset the other day. He is convinced she doesn't like him as she tries her best to get away from him all the time. He said ' she doesn't love me', i tried to explain to him it will come in time. She doesn't interact with children her own age...adults and older children are of interest to her. Perhaps she feels younger children are too unpredictable for her senses.

I brought some Little Miss books (from the Mr Men range) the other day. I really feel i should be reading age appropriate books to her rather than the baby/toddler books i have. She did like the baby/toddler books but its time to move on. And it was a success she really likes them...especially the Little Miss Naughty book!! She looked at my face when i read them to her, which was lovely!

I have had some appointments to visit Twinkles new school, meet her new teachers, meet her new therapists and see her new classroom. I have lots of forms to feel out and school uniform to order. I have transport to organise. I cant believe how quick it's come around!!

I am going to be trying out some aromatherapy with Twinkle. I feel the transition to school could be a stressful time for her and want to try everything i can to make it less of an anxious time for her. The de-stress roller oils are in the post. I will let you know how i go with them (or how she goes with them).

Lastly if anyone wants to chat more with me i'm on Facebook (I'm friends with a few of you on there already) just send me a email or comment.

Halo♥

Newt

2009-05-06T08:52:00.003+01:00

I feel a new nickname coming....

Twinkle has had a very eventful weekend. We all went down to the corner of England to visit the in-laws. Was a lovely sunny day. They were out in there garden when we arrived. We had to take it in turns to guard the steps leading to the top part of there garden, where there was a large summer house, green house and a lovely big pond...full of very large fish. Koi et al i believe.

Twinkle enjoyed playing about around the bottom part of the garden. But all the time having a glint in her eyes. She was planning something, i could tell, although i wasn't too sure what she was planning. There were children (and adults) jumping on next doors trampoline. She stimmed with excitement when they appeared above the fence every now and then. Was she planning an escape to join them?

It was my husbands (her dad) time to guard the stairs. Twinkle's uncle had just been guarding them and had gone to the top of the garden to sit on a bench and text his girl friend. My husband reached over to show mum-in-law a photo on his iphone, i looked at the photo too. That was it Twinkle saw her chance. She was off...perhaps she has my athletic genes...(i ran for Kent in the 100 meters sprint in my young days) . I shouted....(her name) ....husband turned around she was half way up the steps...my eldest son ran too....we called her uncle who was still up there...he was our only chance now...she had out witted my husband and eldest son.......The pond flashed in my mind...too late....

SPLASH...."she's in" shouts uncle....She was most certainly in....with the Koi ....up to her neck in pond water. She had performed the most amazing 'bomb' into the pond. All those weekly trips to the swimming pool with her respite lady had paid off.

Uncle pulled her out and brought her down. She was standing there with a pleased look on her face and if she could talk I'm sure she would have explained how much she enjoyed that. As it happens she didn't need to say anything the look on her face said it all. She was fully clothed, shoes and all. Luckily i had brought some spare clothes.

New nickname? Newt perhaps??

Halo♥

Painting

2009-04-27T09:16:00.006+01:00

This photo really doesn't do it any justice! I was very proud of her. She chose the colours and painted in a perfect way feeling in the gaps. It's on my kitchen wall with the other painting her and the 'Professor' have produced.

I love the way she is chatting away to herself while painting.

I would love to just mention a great blog I have been visiting among all the other great blogs - Don't Bite the Dog:Life with an Autistic Toddler. Take a look when you have a spare minute!

And also a thank you to British Mummy Bloggers for making me one of the 'blogs of the week' :) and Do You Dig It for a lovely review of my site. Thank you.
Halo♥

Return Of The Stim

2009-04-19T20:15:00.005+01:00

Or should it be Return Of The Stims. (stimming - click)

Two of Twinkles old Stims have returned as the title says. The first isn't so much as a problem as the second. The first is finger flicking, this was one of her very first Stims. She used to do it all the time. Then for about over a year this ceased to happen. But now it's started again. Finger flicking is a rapid flicking of the fingers, sometimes close to the eyes. Finger flicking may be an attempt to stimulate the visual system or it could be for any of these reasons:

An attempt to reduce sensory input and environmental stimulation. For example, focusing on a particular movement may reduce the impact of a distressing environment.
A coping strategy for dealing with uncertainty and confusion.
A coping strategy for dealing with stress, anxiety and possibly Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
The individual’s enjoyment of learning about a particular subject or gathering together items of interest.
A source of pleasure for individuals who have limited access to other sources of enjoyment
A self reinforcing strategy for dealing with some of the above, which becomes worse over time

The second Stim is hair twirling. This has become a problem as you can imagine. She is twisting her hair to the extent that it is turning into the most incredible knots. I feel the hair twirling maybe due to her levels of anxiety rising. She has been very stressed lately. Perhaps it due to the change in the routine because of the Easter break. I hope when she settles back into her routine at preschool she becomes calmer.

On a really positive note Twinkle painted a beautiful picture in the week and i filmed her painting it. I'm really impressed and will post it soon, once I've processed the video.

Halo♥

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T20:11:00.006+01:00

Half way through the Easter holidays and I'm still fairly sane! Busy busy, but i have time for a short post (otherwise cobwebs will appear).

My mum and her husband came to visit Good Friday. They can't believe how much Twinkle has grown. She losing her toddler features now. Turning into a proper little girl. My mum says has a special bond with me. She notices the way Twinkle looks at my face in great detail and touches it, she doesn't do this to anyone else. All the time shes touching my face she makes the lovely 'happy' noises in her own special language. She mainly gives no eye contact to others but she will touch them once on arrival and then perhaps she may smell them still not looking at there faces. She smelt my mums clothes, perhaps she liked the pretty perfume my mum wears.

Today was a mixed day. The boys became bored at times and decided to fight between each other for fun. I took Twinkle, my eldest boy and Bebe the dog out for a walk along the river. It was nice. Bebe could sense the rabbits and every now and then looking like she wanted to chase. As we were walking back through the woods we came across a blue speckled birds egg in the middle of the path. Poor thing must have fallen from its nest. Haven't seen an egg like that in years, well suppose it is Easter!

Easter Picture by Twinkle (she painted and i stuck the shapes on)

Twinkle getting some great sensory feedback from Bebe's (very expensive) bed. Bebe wandering what the hell is going on!

Being snug and tight gives her a calming feeling.

I got to sleep about 530am this morning and got up at 730am so shattered now. Twinkle is unsettled and i have been up several times in between writing this. Hopefully she will settle soon.

Hope everyone has had a lovely Easter xx

Halo♥

Apoo Gagoo

2009-03-26T14:06:00.002Z

For a few weeks the same two nonsense sounds/words have been coming out of her mouth. She says them to herself. The words are 'Apoo' promptly followed by 'Gagoo'.

We just didnt have a clue and what she was going on about. She wasn't trying to say them to us. She would just be standing there facing a wall and say them. Each time she said the two words she would touch the wall, table or the fridge..what ever was infront of her.

Then...

Yesterday i was sitting in her room with her, just infront of her Safespace and she found a book, which we hadnt looked at since way before xmas. She opened the book to the same page that she always opens it too. Took my hand and made me point at the pictures...i promtly said what animal i was touching. First 'Hippo' then 'Flamingo'. This is repeated for about 10+ times. Then as i said Hippo she said 'Apoo'! then when i said Flamingo she said 'Gagoo'!

Now this book hasn't been out in months and when it was out before she would always make me say hippo and flamingo(by taking my hand to point at the pic)...but she never said anything at that time. I'm amazed that she has remember! and that inside her she's been thinking about it and trying to say it!!!

She never ceases to amaze me!!

Small steps
Halo♥

Door Frames, Dark Dens and Sign Language

2009-03-14T15:33:00.008Z

A couple of weeks ago we found out Twinkle will be going to the Special School we had put down for our first choice. I'm so happy. They are a school for Severe, Profound and Complex Needs and have special classrooms for ASD children. I was a little worried she wouldn't be able to start in September because of the school being oversubscribed. All i need to worry about now is what pretty school shoes I'm going to buy her!

Her mainstream Preschool have been really good with her lately. She does present as a challenge for them but they have responded very well to her. They have purchased a Dark Den (pic below) and she absolutely loves it!! So i have ordered one for at home. Her Special preschool have been very good too and they have reported that she has been trying to do some 'signing' in song time. Which i have noticed a little at home. They use Signalong as opposed to Makaton. I will be going on a Signalong Course in May but have the book already and have been practising. They use Signalong at the School she will be going to.

For a little while now Twinkle has been getting a little obsessed with door frames. She will sit for ages prodding the frame with her finger, a stick or even a banana (if I'm not quick enough). She is also paying particular interest in the shiny hinges and door handle, although when she becomes very distressed, as she does from time to time (actually quite often lately) she will bite the metal door handle out of frustration.

I hoping that the Dark Den will help her as at the moment she is getting very stressed and i feel it is due to her senses being overloaded. And hopefully it will be a dark quite place where she can retreat to.

Halo♥

The Photo Comes Alive

2009-03-13T10:30:00.004Z

This is the video from the 'Spinning' photo on the side bar of the blog. Isnt she beautiful?! You can hear 'The Professor' chatting away in the back ground!

It's a couple of months before she was diagnosed.

Halo♥

Drawing Faces

2009-03-01T08:01:00.005Z

Last week I took this video. I had been showing her how to draw faces for weeks. She didn't seem to want to try and do it herself. Until now, looking at this video you can see she has remembered and is trying to draw faces. All in her own time :)

My My it's the first of March already!!! White Rabbit! :)

Halo♥

Nature's Great Events

2009-02-24T12:24:00.004Z

Until now Twinkle has only really been interested in Peppa Pig and The Wiggles but she never really sat still to watch them, they are on in the back ground while she fleets from object to object.

Last week Nature's Great Events happened to be on TV. It caught Twinkles eye and that was it she was sitting still! Engrossed in the amazing waterfall scenes and the beautiful music. It was lovely to see. It was on again this week and I waited to see if she would look at the TV again and she did! This time I got the camera out as she got closer to the TV to get a better look at the Bear.

Halo♥

Happy Noises

2009-02-20T19:22:00.003Z

The picture isn't as clear when I uploaded it but her happy noises make up for it.

Halo♥

Bubble

2009-02-20T17:04:00.007Z

A cropped pic of Twinkle staring at a bubble.

Halo♥

More Drawings

2009-02-20T15:48:00.005Z

A video of her drawing will follow...

Halo♥

New Name, Good News and Party!

2009-02-19T12:43:00.007Z

Firstly L's new nick name is 'Twinkle' due to her love of the rhythm Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. So from now on she is known as 'Twinkle' haha.

Anyway on to the good news...Last Friday I went to meet a friend (her son is Autistic too) for hot chocolate (I don't drink coffee). Well when i got back home from our meeting i opened the front door and there was a very big package on the mat. Opened it and it was Twinkle's proposed Statement of Special Educational Needs ( i wasn't expecting it just yet).

There was so much info that had been given in. And they had taken it all into account. They said she will be taught in a school for children with Profound, Severe and Complex Needs, with Communication problems. She will also be taught by staff who are experienced with working with children with ASD. They have also said they have contacted the school i put down as my first choice and have asked them for a place for Twinkle.

Twinkle had her first ever party recently too!! A mum i met at the Therapy Centre rang me up out of the blue. I hadn't seen her for a while as her son had moved onto school (the one i want Twinkle to go to). Well she said it was her sons birthday would Twinkle like to go. Well that was it.....

Shopping for outfit and new shoes!! hahaha. Twinkle looked lovely in her party outfit. It was at a play centre so all the kids ran off when we got there. But when it came to food time the parents of the 6 children (all were non-verbal autistic) got them and sat them down around the table 5 boys and 1 girl (Twinkle).

It was wonderful! They all sat to eat together even my daughter, she was the youngest. They never interacted or made eye contact but it was as if they all knew what they had to do. Even the children who have major sensory problems could cope just for those few moments (including my Twinkle who has severe Sensory Processing Disorder).

Sorry for the long gap in posting, i have been busy house training Bebe - You can see an updated pic of her at Bebebutton blog soon!

Halo♥

Ducks and Swirls

2009-01-25T14:51:00.003Z

Walking past Bebe's dog bowl the other day and i spot this! Me and L were the only ones in. Then a few mins later i find another duck in there, this time red....

I just had to share this drawing....Normally L does big spirals but this time lots of little ones!

Halo♥

NHS starts inquiry

2009-01-19T12:26:00.002Z

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/jan/19/nhs-inquiry-learning-difficulties

Thumbs up Mencap!

Halo♥

Bright Eyes

2009-01-15T20:13:00.003Z

From very early on I realised L sees things differently. She started by staring at the coving on the ceiling for an extended period of time, the coving is completely plain. At the same time she would stare at the wood floor and she would move around with her eyes fixed on what she was staring at. I couldn't see anything.

Later on L had a love-hate relationship with the kitchen lights while she was sitting in her highchair. She would grimace (half close her eyes) at the halogen lights. She would then laugh and then cry all the time staring at the lights.

She couldn't and still sometimes doesn't look at foods she enjoys eating. You can imagine all those senses going completely mad all at once - smell, touch, taste and finally visual- she could control the 'visual' by covering her eyes with her arm or half closing her eyes.

The lights are still a problem but not all the time perhaps when other senses are becoming overloaded too.

Now the pic of Hazel (the rabbit) at the top - I loved the film Water Ship Down as a child, made me cry too. Loved the song 'Bright eyes'. Although I haven't read the book. Does anyone recommend reading the book?

Halo♥

First Meeting

2009-01-12T10:27:00.006Z

This is the first time L acknowledges Bebe and Bebe's tall was going ten to the dozen! After this L doesn't take any notice, just rare fleeting glimpses but hopefully the longer Bebe is here the more she will take notice. At one point i said 'Doggy' and L copied and said 'Doggy'! It was lovely to hear and i treasure these words because she may never say them again, bless her.

Bebe really wants to play with L but she is just going to have to wait. In the mean time my two sons are more than willing to play. Although my youngest son is a little nervous when Bebe tries to lick him!

I have made a new blog for pics of Bebe and will be updating it soon..... 'Bebebutton'.

Halo♥

Happy New Year!

2009-01-08T20:02:00.005Z

Sorry I'm late on this post! Hope everyone had a great Christmas and new year!

L had a nice Christmas day. While the boys were opening their gifts L sat at the window watching the snow coming down (ok not real snow we had a fake snow machine!). The falling white stuff was far more interesting than these strange boxes covered in coloured paper. I opened her presents for her and showed her how they worked. She played with her 'Busy Ball Popper' for a few mins and then had more pleasure in running up and down, which was fine, she was enjoying herself. She also got a ball track, which is a wooden ball rolling down slopes, this excited her too.

Boxing day came and we had relatives visiting for the day. L spent most of the time in her room or in her brothers room bouncing on his bed. She finds too many people or lots of noise abit daunting and is comfortable in her own company.

She has started a new little thing of covering her ears or putting her fingers in her ears sometimes or when her brothers shout!. Another thing she has always done from time to time is over her eyes with her arm when things are too much for her. When people (including relatives) come to see her and haven't done for a while she puts her arm over her face and doesn't want to look at them. Her Portage worker has been visiting for over a year now every week and when there is a break L doesn't like to look at her when she comes to visit. It was the same at her first day back at her Special Preschool today but she soon settled in.

It's been a very busy two weeks here, not only Christmas but my sons birthday this week too. I cant believe it's been 5 years since i held him in my arms as a little baby. Then 18 months later L arrived. Only 18 months between them. I remember thinking 'How the hell am i gonna tell my mum?!' haha. I had my eldest son 8 years before the other two....so i said to my mum..'You know when you wait for a bus and you wait ages! then all of a sudden two come along at once? Well....'.

In my mind i knew it was going to be hard having two children so close but my thinking (then) was that the two siblings will be so close and best of friends! How wrong was i?! My daughters disability means that she has a complete lack of interaction with other children. You can't try to imagine how sad this is. Children are unpredictable to her and anything unpredictable is scary! She may have looked at my younger son a few weeks ago for a fleeting moment...nothing since. Fortunately it's different with adults. She will take a little more interest with adults and one day he (my son) will be an adult (or even a young adult) and perhaps then she will let him into her heart. I see this starting to happen with my eldest son, he is becoming a young adult and he is far more predictable than a five year old!

My son has his appointment with the paediatrician next week and L has hers the week after. I will let you know how things go in both cases. If my son is on the 'Spectrum' he is at the very top (if there is a top!) only today he couldn't cope because we couldn't find his usual 'blue' fork! He very much likes things as they should be and if they are not all hell breaks lose!

You will now think I'm mad...we are getting a puppy Saturday! My mum has 3 Yorkies so i know the breed and i know how L reacts to them...well she doesn't react at all ha ha, she takes no notice. Hopefully she may interact a little with her. Watch this space!

Finally i have another award! It's my second now and I'm very grateful to Saz for giving it to me. I pass the award on to others, which i will do in my next post.

Sorry i haven't been catching up with everyone and i will try harder and just because i haven't replied on your posts doesn't mean I'm not here(or there) reading and smiling :)

Halo♥

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T11:21:00.005Z

Firstly wishing all my new 'Blogging' friends a wonderful Christmas!

Thank you so much to Saz for giving me the following award :

I was honoured to receive it and it made my day! I have met some special people since i started blogging in October!

At the beginning of last week I watched my beautiful girl play Angel Gabriel at her Special Needs Preschool, it was wonderful! She flapped her arms and rocked with excitement at the songs especially Twinkle Twinkle little star. She was unstrapped from her chair to put an angel on the tree. She looked beautiful in her Angel costume.

I also saw my youngest son play a King at his school nativity I was very proud. Later that day he said to me : 'I didn't really like doing it, but i was very brave'. The last two years running he hasn't been able to cope with the amount of people in the audience. So he was very brave.

Halo♥

A Christmas Wish

2008-12-18T21:07:00.005Z

If there is a god above please grant my wish,

to help my daughter become the best she can be.

One day, it saddens me to say I will not be around, so please make it possible for her to live in this world safe and sound.

Independently, as much as she can be.

If that is not going to be, please send her an Angel like the one you sent me.

I only planned to have the pics of L up for a short time*

Halo♥

Communication

2008-12-15T21:11:00.005Z

L is starting to use PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System). (click here to find out more). Last Sept I travelled to London to do a PECS course especially for parents of children with Autism or severe learning difficulties.

She can't talk, nod, point and wave etc. So when she's ill she can't tell us where the pain is coming from. She can't look in the direction of the pain. I'm hoping that if we keep using the PECS with her one day she will be able to give us a card to tell us where the pain is coming from.

She is at a very basic stage of PECS. She is at the stage where food and drink are important to her and she will sometimes pass a card which has a picture of a person drinking on it and also a cheese card. I then get the item she wanted. She also enjoys standing on a stool at the kitchen sink and playing with the water, so I made her a 'stool' card. She passed me the card twice today.

I've made some pictures of her favorite TV program Peppa Pig and new interest the Teletubbies so that she can pass me the TV control and take the card off the back and pass it to me.

I have also put a 'bedroom' card on a door frame of the exit kitchen door so she can ask to go to her room. She has passed me this card a couple of times too.

Below is a Schedule board. Normally there would be only 2 or 3 cards on the board to let L know what happening. Hopefully the more she understands the cards mean something is coming up the more it will help with her fear of transitions. In the pic below I have put lots of cards on there to give you an example of the cards used. Hopefully we will be able to put that many on there one day when she's older and able to cope with more cards. The schedule cards are bigger than the PECS to avoid confusion.

Halo♥

Colours!

2008-12-08T20:52:00.006Z

Another great piece of work by my beautiful 'classic' autistic daughter.....

She produced it today at her preschool. They said she was really concentrating and sitting nicely. She chose the colours herself and put them where she wanted.

I just love the way you can see the different colours.

Paint and crayons are her medium. For some reason she gets really upset if you hand her a pencil! We are going to try and introduce pens soon.

Halo♥

Christmas Pooh!

2008-12-05T19:58:00.009Z

The tree went up on the 1st and the window lights went up yesterday. I haven't gone over the top with lights but I do love to Christmas and seeing my youngest sons face when he see the decorations.

This year I decided to buy traditional advent calenders rather than chocolate and after a rather rocky start with youngest son I think it was a good idea. The rocky start being not that they werent chocolate but because he saw them 3 days before Dec and moaned everyday until he opened the first one. Middle child and youngest son (little professor i call him) has seen a paediatrician lately she sent me a report saying he has 'features' of autistic spectrum disorder. I feel he does but not severely affected like L. L doesn't take any notice of the calender but she does like the sparkling lights on the tree and window. She is also particularly interested in Christmas Pooh this year, which is good because she was scared of it last year.

I'm doing my 'Parents View' form for L's statutory assessment. It's probably one of the most upsetting things since realising she had autism. The more time goes on the more I come to accept that she is not the girl imagined her to be, she's even better! But at times like this, when I have to write all the bad things about her just to enable her to get what she needs educationally, it's hard. It's hard but very important, putting my feelings a side I must get on with this and get it done as soon as possible then celebrate Christmas!

Halo♥

Here goes..

2008-11-30T20:40:00.002Z

I've been tagged twice recently and for the first time too. Here's my first, tagged by DJ Kirby...

7 Things I plan to do before I die:
Watch my daughter grow and become more independent, watch my sons grow into confident and happy young men, hear my daughter say 'mummy', work with children with special needs, write a book, cut my hair shorter, have a pet dog.

7 Things I do now:
Full-time mum to 3 kids, carer for my daughter, blog, worry too much, learning to drive, listen to Pink Floyd, get by.

7 things I won't do:
Stop being me, think what could have been, smoke, drink too much, contact my eldest brother, get a cat, change.

7 Things that attract me in the opposite sex:
Honesty, kindness, personality, loyalty, accepts me for who i am, doesn't judge people on looks alone, eyes.

7 Celebrities that I admire:
David Gilmour, Roger Waters, Sigourney Weaver, Johnny Depp, David Jason, Ian Mckellen, Ridley Scott.

7 Favourite foods:
Donuts, shepherds pie, spaghetti bolognas, pizza, garlic mussels, steak, Jaffa Cakes.

Well that wasn't too bad :)

Will try and do the next one in a few days.

Anti-Bullying Week

2008-11-19T19:44:00.003Z

As someone who was bullied at school verbally and physically Anti-bullying awareness is close to my heart. It is Anti-Bullying week this week.

It's been 14 years since I had to leave my secondary school because I was being bullied so much, apparently the school didn't have a bullying problem. It was a turning point in my life and it didn't have to be if only I had help from the school. I went from predicted grades of A-C in all my subjects to leaving school with NO GCSE's! I left before I took the exams.

Here are some useful links:

Anti-Bullying Alliance

Bullying UK

Anti -Bullying Week

National Autistic Society Website - Bullying

A video from the NAS Think Differently Campaign - Autism and Bullying....

Can you look at the camera please?

2008-11-17T10:49:00.004Z

...is what a photographer from a well known Kent newspaper said to L yesterday.

It was her Special Needs Preschools 40th birthday. They wanted a photo of a current child. And as L was the only current child to have been there they asked if it could be her.

I agreed and held her for the photo. The photographer kept saying to her 'can you look at the camera' over and over. And of course my daughter doesn't understand simple commands and also children with autism tend not to want to give people eye contact, so asking for her to look at him even if she understood she wouldn't have done it.

I was standing there thinking 'please just take the photo'. Everyone was looking I was getting hot (she's heavy) and a bit annoyed. I said she doesn't understand (hello, this is a special needs preschool)

In the end the photographer said 'no we can't do it, sorry'. So I took her upstairs to the sensory room and I felt a bit upset.

Why couldn't he just take her picture? Why does she have to look at the camera? It's another slap in the face - your child is different she cant be involved.

Note to self: don't keep getting upset about things like this, some people are unaware of what autism is and what it involves. People just don't know, it's not there fault it's not yours fault.

Memories - Crystal Balling!

2008-11-14T18:31:00.015Z

In the early eighties I was the age my daughter is now (3).
I can remember some things as if they were yesterday. I was living with my parents and my two brothers in a two up-two down house in a well known Kent port town. The street we lived in was always a friendly place to me as you can see in this photo, (taken when I was slightly younger about 1 years old, I know this because I'm bald under the hat!) we sat in our front gardens and would chat to the neighbours all the time. I was allowed to play in the street because it was so safe then.

One winter I went out into the street and the snow was up to my knees! The memory of it is so clear. I remember calling the falling snow 'Crystal Balling'! My dad reminds me of this to this day!

The house was very small and we would leave there before I turned 4 to move to a slightly bigger house so I could have a room of my own. But I do remember that the house had a lot of wood, now I know it as pine, which I believe was popular back then! It also had a lot of brass hanging around all over the place, much like the ones in this photo. Was brass the 'in thing'? or was it just my dad?! It also had a open stair case that went straight down between the front room and dining area. One night when I was supposed to be asleep I remember sneaking down a couple of steps to see what my parents were watching on t.v. I can still remember what it was because it was so scarey! It was 'The Thing', I had caught it at the bit with the head with spider legs!

I remember playing with a toy penguin, which I still have to this day along with some other well cared for teddies. I also remember playing Star Wars with my eldest brother in the front room . We used to play for hours, I was princess Leia (until my brother swapped it with his friend) and my brother was the Bounty Hunter.

So much has happened between now and then, later on I will tell you of the other memories I have such as building dens on Plum Pudding Hill. Thank you Mum and Dad for making my childhood days the happiest of my life ( and don't worry I wasn't seriously affected by seeing the Spider head in The Thing!)

I wonder whether my daughter will have such happy memories.

Safespace

2008-11-06T11:22:00.010Z

A while back it was recommended to us that Lou Lou have a Safespace. We went to the Social Serices Disability Team first with no joy, they had a huge waiting list. In the end a very kind man from a charity told us they would fund the Safespace. Well it arrived today and was built in around an hour. Here are the pics:

I really hope this will help L have a restful night sleep and I believe she will be so much safer now. She's at her Special Preschool now and I'm looking foreward to seeing how she reacts to it!

Thank you so much Children's Aid for funding the Safespace.

Clever Girl

2008-11-05T20:19:00.007Z

A few days ago I was adjusting L's special chair because she has a new table to sit at and do her TEACCH work at home. I had to make her chair higher. Here is a pic of her chair:

Then today I heard L clanking about in the front room, I went over to take a look at what she was up too and I couldn't believe it, had to get the camera and this this what she was doing....

She had gone into the kitchen top drawer (only one not locked) and found a 'tool', not the same tool as I used (Allen key) but something very similar. She was trying to imitate what she had seen. I didn't actually think she was watching when I adjusted the chair.

My girl has never done anything like this before, it just shows she's always watching and learning. She knows more than she lets on!!

Oh dear Oh dear....

2008-11-04T13:37:00.002Z

Umbrella anyone?....

Read this from the BBC website: (click here)

What a load of old *Bleep*!!

'Indoor theory

They also suggested that being forced to stay indoors for longer periods could affect development, perhaps by increased exposure to television, or to household chemicals, or even through a lack of vitamin D, produced by being out in sun.'

This makes me so mad!! It gives fuel to the ‘refrigerator mothers’ theorists. Oh yeah we stuck'em in front of the television because we didn't care or we are just crap parents.

She's Beautiful

2008-11-04T09:48:00.003Z

The last post 'The List' was a way of writing all the things that I had observed with L. I was able to present it to the professionals around my daughter. It helped with getting her diagnosis of Autism when she was just 2 years old, It's not a very positive list but it will help towards her statement of educational needs. Unfortunately it also helped to show 'some' people that I wasn't going crazy and my daughter wasn't just a 'shy' girl that wasn't socialised enough. I update the list as you can see by the bottom half of the post but most of it stays the same.

My daughter is beautiful, she loves being tickled, she gives me forehead kisses (she leans her head forward for a kiss) and she craves deep hugs which is magical. She isn't greedy and she doesn't hurt intentionally. She's growing and she's learning everyday and as DJ Kirby says : 'given the keys to unlock our world we do emerge on occasion and can even flourish in your parallel world'.

The List

2008-11-03T21:42:00.006Z

For those who come across this blog and don't really know anything about Autism below is a list of reasons why we suspected my daughter L was autistic well over a year ago. I must stress the Autistic Spectrum is so broad some people/children will show theses signs, some will not, some will have some and some will have more (I'm confusing myself now lol) anyway...

Communication concerns

Does not respond to her name often

Cannot tell me what she wants - pushes me to kitchen - Now uses PECS

Language is delayed - Two or three words

Doesn't follow simple directions

Seems to hear sometimes but not at others we strongly believe she hears what she wants to hear

Doesn't point

No use of symbolic gestures (e.g., waving, nodding head, gestures)

Doesn't look at a something you point at

Social concerns

Smiles to herself alot, not really socially

Prefers to play alone not with other children

Lacks eye contact

Is in her own world

Tunes us out

Is not interested in other children including her brothers -

Doesn't like places where there is alot of people - super markets, shopping centres and restaurants - can vary from place to place

Likes to be on her own alot, especially on the balcony (with a net over her head) or under the kitchen table will get very distressed if her brother goes near her when in these places.

Can become distressed at nursery or children's center group when things become to much for her.

Behavioural concerns and observations

Has no fear.

Unco-operative/oppositional - wonders off , does things on her own terms

Doesn't pretend play

Instead of pointing to a picture she takes my hand and uses my finger to point at a picture -

Is sensitive to certain textures - puts toy up to her ears and nose to feel the sensation, takes hair and strokes her arm, feet and ears with it.

Has odd movement patterns - flopping back or arching back, becoming limp when picked up,

Rapid hand flapping (this may be done on tiptoes or bouncing up and down while standing),

Spinning in circles.

Toe walking

Tapping things with backs of her fingers

She will cry as if really upset with no apparent reason or cause. This will last for a few minutes and then she will be fine.

Laughs for no apparent reason

Stares at the coving on the ceiling - she does this an awful lot - its a completely plain coving-

Starting to stare at kitchen lights

Sometimes eats with eyes closed and with arm in front of her face

Grimacing - as if not to look at something but still see it? or as if its too much for her.

Humming - NOT a Tune

She sucks her food and doesn't chew or bite

Does not like change....loves her old pepper pig dvd -brought her a new one and she cried, she couldn't watch it.

Will not drink from a beaker of bottle that is different from her own

Repetitive behaviour - She turns to the same page in one book and the same pages in other books - she makes me point to balloons on her ball over and over. or numbers on things...page numbers, numbers on clocks or tv control etc.

One or both eyes are going cross eyed. She seems to be doing this on purpose, but i cant be sure.Climbing

Has a fascination with putting clothes on and wearing shoes in doors

Doesnt like to move from one room to another when going to new places or visiting relatives etc

Enjoys stacking over and over

High pitched screams when excited

Sniffing hair

Hands/finger flip/flap/twist - sometimes infront of face.

Scratches skin when clothes are taken off

Repetitive behaviour - watching the same section of dvd over and over for example

Now at this present time you can add the following to the list:

Doesnt sleep well - either wakes in the night at various times or very early in morning eg 430am - wakes her eldest brother when she screams at night - woke him at 4am when he had his SATS exams that day. Is on Melatonin but still wakes in the early hours

Doesn’t like the lights on sometimes

Sometimes eats with eyes closed - doesn’t like to look at food

Hasn’t left the front room/kitchen (to explore the house) in about 3 weeks, will become distressed if moved from front room/kitchen area. Half closes eyes (grimaces) and sweats.

Screams (upset/fear?) when waking every day

Biting hands and wrist when frustrated. Nibbling hands and wrist when anxious

Bites people

Bites, chews and sniffs objects – work top, doors, walls, toys, rubber seals, tables etc

Becomes distressed if voices are raised e.g. brothers arguing, calling them for tea.

Uses her hands to eat, only using spoon when prompted

Food has to be chopped because she will shove the whole lot in mouth e.g. banana, cheese and risk choking

Has put whole hand in mouth to gag

Wears vest to prevent her playing with poo

Extra locks on cupboards to prevent her taking thing out and breaking them

Pulls out plugs – does not understand the danger

Needs a Major buggy as she puts her feet on the wheels of present one or gets feet trapped underneath

Can use reins for short distance – risk of becoming oppositional or having sensory problems (too many people etc) either collapsing to the floor

She now drinks from a different coloured beaker

She has now said more than three words but not regular

She doesnt stare at the coving but does stare at the lights still

Saturday morning listening

2008-11-01T10:26:00.010Z

L has just gone off to her respite. It's normally on a friday afternoon but her respite lady was very busy last week so we changed it to today.

While she's gone I'm going to do some house work because its hard to do it when shes here because I cant leave the frontroom/kitchen area for too long incase she harms herself and she won't leave this area because she has an extreme fear of transition.

Anyway I'm going to play this song very loud while I'm cleaning.....

Tracks of my Tears - The Miracles

My son is ok today, it's such a shame because he is a kind thoughtful boy who is such a help with L.
Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T14:47:00.006Z

What can I say?...A night for turning the lights off and pretending your not in! Only joking, don't think my eldest would let me get away with it.

It's not so 'happy halloween' for us today......

Unfortunately earlier today my eldest son was threatened by a 'Hoody' (spotty tw*t with an attitude) on his way to the shops to buy some sweets for the 'trick or treaters'. Luckily one of his friend's mum spotted them just as the 'scum bag' threw a stick at my sons head. She ran after the 'Hoody' and another kind lady, that knew my son drove him home.

The youth of today (ok not all of them) are scaring me! They are the future.

The Magic of a Face

2008-10-29T20:15:00.008Z

I will explain the title shortly.

First, the week has been OK. My father in-law has been decorating after the my son flooded the house a few months ago. So it's nice to see it looking better.

I've finally sent my letter for a Statutory Assessment off. And as you will know I now have to wait six weeks for a reply to see if they will assess my daughter for a Statement of Educational Needs. I have been told it should be pretty straight forward as she has a diagnosis of Autism. Just as long as they receive enough information about her from the professionals involved in her care. This will be a tough time as it will highlight all her needs and she has many.

I visited two more Special schools last week, one was good, the other not so. I've visited 5 special schools in total and I'm due to visit another next month. I have two that I feel happy with so far, one local and another 30 Min's away.

The Magic of a Face is a quote by Thomas Carew. L doesn't give much eye contact. She doesn't look at other children's faces. She will very rarely look at adult faces but she is comfortable to look at familiar people's faces such as mine and her dads. When she looks at my face she doesn't so much give me eye contact but she looks at the fine detail in my eyes. I first though it was eye contact but then she reached out to touch my eye lashes. Just lately she has been studying my face in great detail. She tries to open my mouth and looks slightly scared when it is open.

L hasn't said 'Daddy' since last week. She hasn't said any words this week.

Bad Hair Day

2008-10-29T13:26:00.004Z

What with all the bad press Russell Brand is having at the moment L decided to wake up this morning doing an impression of Russell himself.

Her normal hair is wavy curls. She was awake most of the night and this is what happens to her hair as she's tossing and turning in her bed. I'm not her favourite person when I appear with the conditioning spray and brush!

I will be back later with an update of the last week.

WOOO HOOO!!

2008-10-23T12:03:00.003+01:00

Another word has popped out!! Out of the blue!

'Daddy'!!

L said 'Daddy'! She said it yesterday to a photo and then she said it again to her dad. I still cant believe it. The words that have come before are all mainly object words such as ball, car and cheese. These words have always been quiet and to herself not to others. Never has she said a name such as mummy or daddy. She actually said 'daddy' to her dad.

Message to Him Above : please don't let it be a word that is never said again, like the word 'go' last year. Oh and please can I have 'mummy' next?!! lol.

My clever girl xx

Sleep...

2008-10-20T21:28:00.010+01:00

Well lack of it really. In the words of Faithless - 'I cant get no sleep'. In the words of my husband 'Go to bed early then'. Thanks dear!

As many of you know already autistic children have sleeping problems. From the NHS website : Sleep and autism -It seems that almost all children with autism are likely to suffer from disturbed sleep patterns at some point or another. Sleep problems can be divided into two main groups: settling problems, where the child has difficulty going to sleep at the appropriate time, and waking problems, where the child wakes repeatedly during the night.

L suffers from waking repeatedly during the night. She used to suffer from settling problems as well before she was put on Melatonin. She can wake at anytime and there is usually no pattern. It could be once a night at 2, 3, 4am or 5am, it could be several times a night at 1am, 2am 4am and 5am. When it is several times I will either not be able to get to sleep from the first time and therefore be awake when she wakes again or I will manage to get to sleep and have 3-4 different dreams in between waking -this can be just as exhausting as staying awake believe me! When she does wake she screams every time.

Talking about dreams - 'You cant teach a Giraffe to dance' - this is what my husband said while he was fast asleep the other night!! lol.

On that note good night!

Break-through

2008-10-18T11:59:00.005+01:00

I posted here http://www.beautifulspectrum.co.uk/ about L and her extreme fear of moving from room to room. She still hasn't left the front room/kitchen area of her own accord for many many weeks but she has let me take her to her brothers room to play (with-out bolting back down the stairs). This i see as a small break-though. The psychologist is coming to visit next week to see how things are going. This could all be part of her sensory processing disorder and she has many sensory processing problems or it could be a psychological thing, perhaps both.

Another thing is not being able to look at her food as she's eating especially if its really tasty food! Still working on that one too.

She still really enjoys sniffing hair - mine, hers, anybodies! I'm not going to discourage that because its something she really enjoys and isn't hurting anyone. Unlike her new little habit of biting!

Self Portrait

2008-10-17T19:44:00.003+01:00

Wasn't going to post tonight as I'm shattered but just had to post this pic.

L was able to go to preschool today as she was better than she was yesterday and when i went to pick her up her 1:1 lady gave me this picture. The class had been doing self portraits and L had done one too.....

Considering it hasn't got eyes, nose and a mouth like the other children's I thought it was very good.

It's on pride of place on my fridge!

Not very well

2008-10-16T20:02:00.000+01:00

L was poorly today. She has a nasty cold. Unfortunately she was due to have her MMR booster today...No I don't think the MMR caused my daughters Autism. She was born autistic. I have re-booked it until the end of the month.

Even though she was ill today she didn't stop running about and getting into mischief bless her. But tonight she was very tired and ready for bed. Fingers crossed she will be ok tomorrow.

Art!

2008-10-15T20:25:00.001+01:00

Wonderful creations on every wall of my family room...

L is a fast artist...she found some crayons in the bottom of her toy box and the walls looked like a good canvas!

Expectations

2008-10-14T19:55:00.000+01:00

Expectations are powerful things!

I expected to have a healthy little girl, who would grow into a confident young women and who would have a family of her own one day. We would do what mother and daughter would do, I would brush her hair and she would brush mine. I would take her to ballet and dance. She would say 'mummy I love you'.

As she got older we would be the best of friends. We would go shopping together and talk about things women talk about.

I would one day be a grandmother to her beautiful children.

It wasn't to be though....

Yes she IS beautiful, she is healthy and my best friend but she's also Autistic and fairly severe too. She won't call me mummy because she can't, she's non-verbal. She doesn't like her hair brushed due to sensory problems and doesn't understand the world around her. She will never have children of her own.

So this is it...scrap the old expectations...I need new expectations now. This blog is about the present and the future with my gorgeous girl.

Before 'L'

2008-10-14T19:33:00.001+01:00

I wasn't sure how to start this blog. So I thought I would start by briefly describing life before 'L' - my beautiful daughter.

I am one of three children. I grew up with my two brothers. I was rather a tomboy, but I did sometimes miss having a sister.

As I grew and became an adult I always wanted children. At first it didn't matter if they were boys or girls, but after my second boy I desperately wanted at little girl. So when I was pregnant for the third time I paid to have an early scan to see if my dreams had come true and sure enough the baby was a girl!!

The fun began - shopping for girly things at last!! Girls clothes yippee!! Pink teddies!! Dolls! While I was pregnant, towards the end I brought her a beautiful silver baby bangle with the words 'Twinkle Twinkle Star' engraved on the outside and her name engraved on the inside.

Then she was born - I remember saying 'shes beautiful'.

This was the beginning....